I'd still go back to you

There has been something that I've wanted to get off my chest, but I know it'll cause people to think of me differently. I've recently been that girl. I was, I guess, seeing this guy who had a girl friend. It wasn't really seeing though. Just sex. That's not the type of person I normally am. There was something about him. Ever since I first met him. I don't believe in love at first sight, and I don't think I was ever in love with him, but there was something there. People around us could tell. I was told by an outsider before I even realized. I had been told that he looked at me a certain way and I never noticed. I was too busy thinking how I didn't have a chance with a guy like that. Little did I know, I did. Well, kind of. The whole time, I was always second for him. I knew I deserved better, but I didn't care. I just wanted him.
Anyway, it all started a few months after meeting each other. First it was just texting. We knew we liked each other, but at that time, we were both in a relationship. We'd even text while with our significant others, saying that we wished we were together instead. Eventually, I couldn't handle wanting to be with someone besides the guy I was with. A smart person would end things with the second person. Not me, I followed a Johnny Depp quote: "If you love two people at the same time, choose thesecond. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second." So, I broke things off with the boyfriend and went to see the other guy that day, to see if I made the right decision. Seven months later, I'm beginning to think it was the right decision, but for the wrong reasons. Anyway, this went on for a few months. I'd go over when he was the only one home. At first, I really didn't care. I had the guy I wanted, right? But then, it started to hit me. This is someone's boyfriend. I'm messing with a relationship. Don't get me wrong, I wanted it. Then, I started seeing her stuff at his place and I felt horrible. How would I feel in her shoes? No, she doesn't know, and I hope she never finds out, but I know, if she did, I'd feel horrible.
We went a few months without seeing each other, though we'd talk almost every day. We thought we had gotten over each other, so we decided to hang out again, mainly because I needed someone to talk to, who wouldn't judge me. We were wrong. We couldn't keep our hands off each other. I felt bad again, and I knew that if I felt bad, he did too. I knew he cared for his girlfriend, I knew he was happy. But, I wanted him to be happy with me. We finally talked about it all and decided that it needed to stop. If we decide to remain friends, we can only see each other in public. We (I) planned to go a few days without talking, I failed within 2 hours. I've never had someone make that much of an impact on me that I can't not text them. My issue is that he makes me feel so amazing, like he tells me I'm pretty and a great mom. He has helped my confidence so much more than he knows. You could tell when I saw him because I would be in this great, happy mood. Something that doesn't happen too often. I felt happier with having him around than any guy I've actually dated. I don't want to lose that, but it's for the best. I know I deserve better. He knows I deserve better.
Now, all this being said, do I think he's a bad guy? Not in the slightest. I don't believe in "once a cheater, always a cheater" I think you can have that one person who is enough of a temptation that you have to have it. No, that doesn't make it right, but it makes it a little more understandable. He is the one guy I would drop everything for to be with. Those who are close to me know that I mean it. Thankfully, I know he won't read this unless I send him the link (which I have no plans to), but if he did, somehow, I hope he knows that I wish him nothing but happiness with her.
If this changes your opinion of me, I'm sorry. Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes. Before anyone asks, no I do not regret it at all. I regret nothing when it comes to him.