January 31, 2019

The first month of the year is finally over. Well, in three and a half hours. It has been a very long month, I think for everyone. Oddly enough, not a lot has happened. I've realized that no matter how good you think people are, they'll stab you in the back to help themselves. Sometimes, it's not even to get ahead. Sometimes, it really is just to make themselves feel better. Sometimes, it's the people you least expect. At least, I know it now. The only other thing that has happened is that I FINALLY joined a gym. I've only gone twice so far. I'm hoping to do three times a week though. But, who knows. It depends on my motivation. Right now, my motivation is looking okay in a bikini when I go to the beach in June. I figure, that gives me enough time to work off about 20 pounds. Sadly, I don't like to diet, so it's really counterproductive. I want to eat what I want and exercise and still lose weight. Does that even work?
I really wish I had more to write about, but I don't. Well, I do, but those topics, I can't. It's complicated. I'm sorry for such a short post, but at least it's something.

January 16, 2019

I'm already not a fan of 2019. Too much snow. I don't like snow, it's too cold. If snow could happen at like 80°, I'd be really happy. Amelia loves the snow though. She really loves to throw it at Mommy.
As I sit in the local elementary school while Amelia is in speech, I realize how boring my life is. Nothing has really happened since I last posted. Well, I was sick for awhile. Supposedly, it was an upper respiratory infection and a stomach infection (aka stomach flu) but I don't think either of those were the correct diagnosis. But, I'm not a doctor, so who knows. Whatever it was, no one else in my house got it. So, I'll call it a win.
I have decided I am going to college. I know, I know, I've said this before. But, this time I mean it! I need to show Mia that her mommy is capable of not depending on her parents. I know that I'm not setting a good example by only working a part time job and living at home. We need our own place. Anyway, I am leaning towards Animal behavior, but I want to minor in criminal justice or psychology. This will all be for my goal of opening an animal sanctuary/rescue. I want to be able to help the animals who have given up hope. I don't want to be a kill shelter, how is that fair to the animals? Getting to decide that they have to die because someone won't adopt it because it doesn't look happy or it's too old. I rather be that person who has a place for that animal with some other animal misfits. In my head, it's like people who get put up for adoption. You don't kill one kid to make room for another, why do that with animals? Even the aggressive ones deserve another chance. Which is where the animal behavior degree will come in handy. I'm sure you're wondering where the criminal justice or psychology fit in with a sanctuary. Well, it doesn't completely. But, with the back ground knowledge, it will help me "understand" why people act that way with animals. Why do people abandon them? Why do they beat them? Stuff like that. Before you ask, understand is in quotation marks because I will truly never understand why people act the way they do to defenseless animals, but I'll be able to see why they think what they're doing is justifiable. I originally wanted to be part of the ASPCA, but after rescuing the animals, my job would be done. I don't like that. I want to help the animal more. I want to help animals see that people do care about that. To us, a pet is just a part of our world. But, to the pets, we are their world.
Lastly, another thing I've decided to do, to help me grow up. I am going to join a gym. Yesterday, I had a very deep conversation with one of my closest friends about my insecurities. After listing them all, I realized that they are mainly about appearance. I don't like the weight I've gained, or how certain parts of my body look. I read some stuff online and found out that going to the gym will not only help lose weight and tone a bit, it will help build my confidence. I was told before that getting exercise will help mentally. I want to see if it will. I know I could work out at home, but if I'm home, I'm going to watch tv. Not workout. At least with the gym, I'll do stuff. I know I'll actually go to the gym as well, because I'll keep it in my head that if I don't, I'm throwing money away. I told my mom this morning, that I'll go there every time I think I want to eat out. I know that has helped with my weight gain, too.