GAHHHH

So, we know that I fall for people way too easily, right?! Well, I do. And I know why I try so hard not to. I can't seem to find a good guy. You think you have one, then you go to add them on facebook and what do you know, a girl friend. Weird, right? Yeah. I'm so upset/pissed I'm about ready to throw up. This is why you don't talk to people you work with. Guess what people, wall is going back up. Way way up. I'm done with this bologna. It's just Amelia and I from now on. If ANYONE hears that I like someone, I need you to do me the biggest favor ever and just slap me. Please. I don't care if I think he is amazing or what. Just no more. I'm done. So. Completely. Done. Okay, just had to get that out. Thank you.

50th post/1 year

First off, I'd like to thank my readers for sticking with me and the boringness that is my life. I know not much has really happened or has even been interesting but y'all did it. Made me actually feel important. In a year, I've had 1818 views. The best part, my blog has been seen across the world. I have page views from Ireland (27), Japan (6), Germany (5), Poland (3), Ukraine (2), France (1), Malaysia (1), and Taiwan (1). I haven't even been to these places, but my blog has been. Do you know how awesome that is?! Think about it. Little girl, who was just creating a blog to let out her feelings has been seen across the world! Now, if the people from these places, actually, anyone who reads this, could comment, that would be AMAZING! I'd like to know who all reads this and what you think. Should I continue posting or post a farewell?
As you all have read, I've had some ups and downs with my depression. As much as I love my daughter, it's hard being a single mother. Especially, mentally. I know I have help from my family, but its stressful. I barely sleep anymore. But, it's worth it. Right? My little miracle princess is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. We weren't supposed to make it, but we did. It's a lot to take in mentally. Think about it. You weren't supposed to live, neither was your child. But, you do. You faced all the odds and survived!
Miss Amelia is doing great. Apparently, there are some concerns about Autism though. She's showing more and more signs all the time. Doesn't mean anything, to me, really. I have the same issue, so why would it make any difference? I just know how to deal with it more than most people would. Now, just if I could figure out how to handle her nightmares. We've also discovered that she has a major love for animals. Not only do I mean her boyfriend, Junior, but all animals. She picked out a stuffed dog at the Harley dealership and has barely let go of it. Then, I showed her a video of a bunch of animals trying to fit in things like cups and boxes and she just laughed. Yeah, my little baby just laughed. She got all excited. Did her little kick fests and everything. It was absolutely adorable!!!
This year has been truly amazing. So much has happened. To think, a year ago I announced that I was pregnant. Now, I have my own little miracle baby that I get to spend the rest of my life with. Who needs a man when you have a child, that will love you unconditionally.
Baby is getting upset now, so I'll leave you, awesome readers, with this... Thank you so much for spending your time reading this. You all are awesome!!!!

August 23

The past few days have been pretty good for Amelia and I. Although, something that wasn't so awesome happened. Michaila left for college on Friday, the 21st. She is at school, four hours away. Of course I miss her! My little sister isn't here for me to pick on anymore. Or to help with the household stuff. Like dishes! I'm sure Mia misses her as well. She must be having fun, though. At least I hope so.
Also, on Friday, Amelia and I went to lunch and spent some time with Aunt Lyndsey and Orion. I swear, Mia was so smitten. She wouldn't stop staring at him. It was absolutely adorable!! My little baby has her first boyfriend.

Nothing much else has happened since the last time I posted. Besides the fact that Mia has learned a new trick. She absolutely loves sucking on her toes. Up until I was about four or five years old, I did the same thing. Surprisingly enough, my foot can still reach to my head. Yeah, I tested that last night. I had to see. 

Last thing; I'm taking classes. Well, kinda. Its with universal class. I get a certificate for completion. Right now I'm doing Basics of Criminology. Its very interesting! Well, baby is now demanding my attention. I'll write again on the 28th. 

5 months old

My little Princess is Five months old, today. She's getting so big!! She's doing so well. She is getting a rash on her back again, unfortunately, but I'm sure it'll be okay. After all, when the doctor saw it when it last appeared, she said it was fine. Though, that's what she says about Amelia no matter what it is. I could probably tell her that Mia was bit by a rattle snake and she'd say it's ok. No, I really don't like her, is it obvious?
Anywho, venting time. One of those a$$holes tried messaging me and adding me last night. I'm sure you know what I mean by a$$hole. He didn't try talking to me except once during my pregnancy. Didn't ask how I was, how Amelia was, if everything was okay, at all. Then last night I got a notification saying he was trying to add me and message me. Not gonna happen bro. He is now blocked. I feel like it's wrong of me to do, especially if he is Mia's father. But, he called me every name in the book and then expects me to be all good? Not going to happen. Go back into the hole that you crawled out of. Thank you. I'll update again, soon.

August 18

Have you ever noticed that history really does repeat itself? I'm not going to mention any names, but there is this guy that I'm sort of interested in. First, I'm going to mention the history part. For those of you who know my parents, you'll know some of these facts. My mother is three years older than my father. My mom already had a kid when they met. Unfortunately, there isn't much more than that, history wise. Those are the only two facts that really correspond with what I have going on. This guy is three years younger than me, and I obviously have a child.
But, see, there are also some things, that I feel can ruin anything that could happen. I mean, I have a form of autism. He doesn't know that. He doesn't know my history or hatred for 90% of the male population. I know not all guys are like that, but I just happen to find all the bad ones. What if this guy is one of those? We all know I have fantastic taste in people. Its to the point where I'm trying to go for complete opposite guys as I normally would. Then again, I'm really not looking for anything. I've got me and Amelia. I don't need much else. Besides my AWESOME parental units. (I know one of you will read this.) Then we have the whole, what if something does happen between us. That's asking a 19 year old to possibly act as a father to a child that isn't his. You know, you really don't think about things like this unless you're a single parent. It's definitely a weird thing to think about. Then we have the fact that I'm writing about this in my blog. Thankfully, I'm not worried about him reading this.
Now, about the perfect little Princess I have. She absolutely loves her walker that she has. She's "walking" around the table. So many toys, so little time. She has her next doctors appointment September 4th. I think she'll be getting more shots, which is just so lovely... Other than that, I don't think there is much else going on. We have our beach trip coming up within the next month, providing we find somewhere to stay. Mom wants camping. I'm thinking we need something like a cottage. Something with a bathroom, really. A kitchen would be nice, too, since we'll be cooking more than going out to eat. I guess we really should start doing some planning. Maybe one day. ;-)

August 16

Yesterday was my mom's "29th" birthday. I felt bad having to make her babysit so I could work. Thankfully, it was only a 6 hour shift. And I was done by 2 pm. I made Mom dinner as a birthday gift. I then forgot to turn off the stove. Almost 2 hours later, Michaila realized it was still on.
Michaila is off to college on Friday. I'm excited for her. Its a great opportunity for her. But I'll miss her. Parents think I'm going to cry. They're probably right. But I'm not going to admit it, if it happens.
Amelia is doing absolutely amazing. She's getting so big. Teething doesn't seem to be as painful as it was. She's not screaming and crying about it as often as before. She's actually been really good. I love it. She's constantly in a good mood. She has this toy ball that she absolutely loves. Its a ball with another ball inside with a bunch of tiny balls inside. Its basically a rattle. I just love her so much. Every day is new, obviously, but each smile she gives, each giggle, everything she does melts my heart more and more each day. I seriously love her more each and every day.
Lastly, been giving more thought on college. Its going to be criminal justice. I'll find a job within that. I'd love FBI but I'm a half inch too short. Sucks when something you can't change ruins your dream. Maybe capital police or just a cop. Could always do border patrol since its right down the street. I guess I'll figure it out soon.

Feelings

You ever just feel like you're a  disappointment? This isn't one of those post where I want people to tell me I'm not one, I just want to be heard. I want to say how I feel without people telling me to stop thinking this way. Ok? I feel like a major disappointment to my family. Especially to my parents and Amelia. Michaila is getting ready to go off to college. Naturally, my parents are excited. Who wouldn't be? And, I'm not trying to make this all about me, but I just can't help but think how I let my parents down. They had expectations for me. Any parent would. I already do for Amelia. But see, I didn't go to college. I've had minimum wage jobs since high school. Haven't made more than $10,000 a year. Then I got pregnant. Wasn't married. Not even with the father now. I feel like I'm a major screw up. I have had bigger dreams for myself. But, I don't want to go to college. I don't want to live on my own. Hell, I don't want to be 22. I want to be my parents little girl forever. Unfortunately, we know that can't happen. I think that is a major factor in why I have depression. I'm sure having Asperger's doesn't help in any of this. I know that's a main reason I'm afraid to go to college. I need to stop thinking about myself though. It's not just about me anymore. Its about Amelia and what's best for her. Everything I do, is for her. But, I just can't bring myself to even want to go to college. I think that covers it, really. Thank you.

August 3

Not much has happened since the last post. I only worked 2 days since my parents went on their trip. Auntie Nikki and Auntie Piggy got to watch the Princess those two days. Nikki was excited, I think Michaila was excited for the first 5 minutes, then she was done. I felt bad though. The first day was 8 hours and the second day was 9 hours. My poor sisters. To top off those two days, the first day, my car decided to have some electrical issues. The second day, underneath my mom's front bumper started coming off. Now, I'm not allowed to touch a car until my parents get home. Which sucks!
Miss Amelia was not feeling well at all yesterday. She started having fits at about 4. Took a few 15 minute naps and didn't go to sleep until 11:30. It was an interesting evening. By the end of it, I was ready to start crying and pulling my hair out. I'm still not sure what was causing it. Weirdly enough, my best friend's son had the same issues yesterday, too. Thankfully, Amelia is feeling better today. Not much whining.