Five weeks old

I can't believe my baby is five weeks old today! I do not approve at all. It feels like it was yesterday that I spent 21 hours in labor waiting for her to make her appearance. She is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I know there are things in my past the I regret, but I wouldn't change them... Why? Because it all led up to Amelia being born. Its that butterfly effect thing. Changing one thing, could make it so I didn't have her. She really is the best thing that has happened to me. I used to be so upset thinking something was missing from my life, but when I found out I was pregnant, that all changed. My life had purpose. Then when I had Mia, everything was just perfect. Its the only way to describe it. Nothing could go wrong the day I had her. I'll always remember the first time I held her, it finally felt real. I had a daughter. I was now a mother. Life was no longer about me. Its about Amelia. Amelia is now my life.
I don't think people realize how much your life changes when you have a child. People think "oh, I have a kid now, I can't go party"..."can't go out every night"..."can't do this" "can't do that"... But you know what, yes it does change. But for the better! You now have this little miracle that thinks you're the greatest thing to ever happen. You feed them, change them, bathe them, love them, gave them life. Yeah, you can't go to that party your friends are going to, but who cares. Spending that time with your child helps you get this bond. That most amazing bond you'll ever have. You love your child in a way that words can describe. Love isn't even a strong enough word to describe how you feel about your child. Then, one night, you decide to go out with friends. You know what you're going to do the whole time? You're going to miss your baby. You're going to call/text the babysitter 20 times just to see how they're doing. You're going to go home earlier so you can see your baby.
Now, imagine your life as a single mom. There is even more love in your heart. Going out with friends doesn't matter as much as before. Your good days are spent cuddling your child, all day, watching TV or reading a book. These are the ways your life change with a child. Its not all bad like some people want you to think. At least, these are things that I feel. My life is so much better with Mia. Yes, I'm a single mom, but who cares? Mia and I have got this down. She's my rock. She's the reason I get up every day. I love my baby girl.
And I know I rambled, I'd apologize, but I regret nothing :)

Two Weeks Old

Amelia is two weeks old today. Many things have happened since I last posted. We came home March 25th. She has been doing wonderfully. She went off the Oxygen and feeding tubes and all the other wires so quickly, everyone was shocked. She did amazingly. My little baby girl is obviously such a fighter. Just like her Mama. She's loving home life. She is so spoiled. Extremely spoiled. Mainly my fault. I barely let her lay down or do anything on her own. I just love snuggling her. How can I not? She's my first child and I hate to hear her cry. It doesn't help that she keeps getting stomach aches. Which really isn't fair. I've stopped eating everything I've been told to. Its not helping though. Then you've got me who gets depressed because I can't help her. Nothing I do ever works. Thankfully, my mom is able to get her to stop crying with her tummy aches. Unfortunately, it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. I know I'm not and that it's because my mom has more experience with this type of thing, but I don't know. I feel bad that I'm her mother and can't help with her tummy aches. I've already had issues with the Baby Blues/Postpartum depression, so I'm sure that's not helping me think this, but seriously. I just feel bad, like I'm not being a good mom or something. I need to get that thought out of my head.

I was doing so good with my bleeding and all, didn't need a blood transfusion, but I'm starting to have issues with being dizzy and lightheaded again. We figured it was lack of eating, but I ate and it didn't help at all. I'm still dizzy. Still lightheaded. And still have a headache. I'm pretty sure it has to do with blood loss or the fact I can't take my iron pills (I think it makes Mia have more tummy aches, they decreased when I stopped taking them). Maybe its that I stopped consuming caffeine. I know that's not good for her either. I've stopped caffeine, onions, and most dairy. I'm sure my body is missing stuff that its used to. Who knows, really. Probably should see a doctor for that, but I'm just concerned about making my baby feel better. She's more important.
One day, me and little Miss Mia will do wonderfully. I hope so, at least. I'm sure we will one day.

Something that doesn't deal with Amelia or I... the Furious 7 movie came out today. Yes, I want to see it really badly, but no, I will not be seeing it anytime soon. When your sister AND her boyfriend teared up during it because the tribute scene to Paul, you know if you have a tattoo for Paul and shut down for a week after his passing, you're not going to be able to see it. You bet, I will buy the DVD the day it comes out, but I HIGHLY doubt I will be seeing it in theaters. Maybe though. Maybe being the key word. Please, don't tell me anything about the movie. I only know what the previews have shown and that I will lose it when I see it. In due time. ;)