Holiday Fun

Doctor Who painting

Sorry, for the delayed post, but Happy Holidays, everyone! I'm hoping everyone had a joyful Holiday. Got everything you wanted. Had a great time with family. After all, isn't spending time with your family what the holidays are all about? For me, I had a great holiday. My nieces were over, which was great even if they tend to drive me insane. As was my older sister. The girls (my nieces) were, of course, spoiled rotten. Not that that's surprising. They're 2 and 5, they'll be spoiled.

My stuff

I made off pretty nicely, too. I got a Doctor Who painting that has my two favorite Doctors, 10th Doctor (David Tennant) and the 11th Doctor (Matt Smith). Also, I got a pair of pajamas with the Eiffel Tower on them, which anyone who knows me, knows I'm obsessed with Paris. I got a beautiful dress from Victoria's Secret that was supposed to be for after I have Amelia, but it fits wonderfully as a maternity dress. I got a black sweater that is also from Victoria's Secret, but I got to wear under my work uniform. Lastly, I got a jewelry making kit.

For Amelia

I got a bunch of stuff that's for Amelia. She got plenty of outfits, which were all so freaking adorable! Got one of those carrying things that go on your stomach. She got two pacifiers, one of which says 'I love Mommy'. She also got a baby blanket from Harley Davidson. Which, if you know my mother, that's no surprise. She, also, got a Batman bib. Which, this Mama loves Batman!
I, really, can not wait until next Christmas when I can have Amelia there for her presents. Just 363 more days until my baby gets her first Christmas!

To Mommy...

You've told me to write down my feelings in my blog. To think of it as a diary, but public. Well, its helped me more than anyone can understand. This entry is to you though. I don't know how to say it to you, so I'm using this.... After the appointment yesterday, I am absolutely terrified of what will happen the 29th. Y'all will be in Florida and I'll be here. What if something happens? Especially, since we know I've been having contractions. What if I start dilating? What if I'm put on bed rest? What if I go into labor? What if something is wrong and I have to have a C-section? I know you and dad tell me not to worry, but that really does not help me. Especially, when the Midwife was concerned. I don't want to be selfish, but I really don't want you to go. I need my mommy. Yes, I know, I'm 22 with a child on the way. This is still scary to think of going through alone. With you being 14 hours away. I really hope nothing will happen, but with what has gone on so far, I'm going to be scared... Just thought I should tell you this one way or another. This was the best way I could think of besides writing you a note, then you said your gym appointment was canceled and there went the note idea. Hopefully, you'll understand that I'm really not trying to be selfish, I just rather be safe than sorry.

Sick

Being sick while pregnant really does suck. It's not like I can take anything really. I just have to suffer. Now, the part that sucks most is that I think its the beginning of the flu. Which it better damn well not be. My dad had the flu for the past week and now my younger sister is sick, as am I. Thankfully, from what I can tell, Amelia is okay. She keeps kicking up a storm. She must love hurting Mommy. But, its still so cute! Just feeling her move around is the most amazing thing ever. I love it. And I love her.
Holidays are just around the corner as we all know, and we still have no tree and practically no presents. I've finished all my shopping and wrapping, just waiting for a few things to arrive in the mail to finish it all up. Otherwise, I'm completely done. My parents on the other hand, from what I know, haven't even started. I'm not even sure what I want for Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I really don't care what I get seeing as I'm 22 with a baby on the way, but I do want gifts still. It's fun to see what people get you. Which may explain why I'm more excited for everyone to see what I got them. I thought of getting Amelia stuff, but since she isn't here yet, I didn't. I'll just use my tax money to get her stuff. I should get enough to cover car payments while on maternity leave, and to spoil my baby girl. Can't wait to meet her!

November 30, 2013

Paul Walker passed away a year ago today. As creepy as it is, in about a half hour, it'll be to the minute. I remember EXACTLY what I was doing that day. Had a stressful time with Thanksgiving and Black Friday, so my friend, Kristen, and I went to a Hookah Bar. My sister called me on the way there and told me, but then she said "Nevermind, it was a hoax" then my mom texted me a half hour later telling me I should just come home. I was of course confused and asked why. Then she told me that it wasn't really a hoax, and I began looking it up. It was true. I started getting sick while there. Kept having to run to the bathroom and would throw up. Figured out it was a mixture of nerves and stress. I spent the next few days in tears. Like one would expect when an actor feels like family. Today, I was going to have a Paul Walker marathon but some reason I just couldn't do it. Instead, I've either napped or watched football. I just know with the pregnancy hormones, I'll be crying the entire time. Maybe, while my mom and I are cleaning tomorrow, we'll use his movies as back ground noise. No matter what, I know, thanks to my tattoo, Paul will always be with me. Rest in Peace, Paul! You will forever be missed!

Just thoughts...

I know I'm gonna get yelled at for this, but do you ever feel like your family is just embarrassed or ashamed of you? I'm really starting to feel that way. My parents go out a lot, either just them or with my sister. When I want to go, we apparently never have the money or no one wants to go. I know, I'm 22 and all, but I still live with them and I'm a part of this family. I also know that once Amelia is out, they'll take her everywhere. I'm not sure if this is pregnancy emotions, Asperger's, or selfishness, but still. I shouldn't feel like I'm not part of the family. And my dad and sister went out Black Friday Shopping today and got stuff for each of them and my mom and when I asked if I got anything, I was told no. That I have a job, if I want it, get it. And that since I have a baby on the way, I will only be getting stuff for her for Christmas. I understand that because babies are expensive, but seriously, nothing? It just, I don't know... It hurts. I seriously feel like a burden half the time and I can't just straight out tell them I feel like that. And, I know they rarely ever read my blog, so not like they'll really see this any way. I'm probably just having a pity party or something. Oh well. I'll get over it. I hope.

Happy Thanksgiving!

First off, I'd like to say Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! I hope everyone has a great day and enjoys all the food that you can eat. Be thankful you get to spend this time with loved ones. Not everyone gets to. Now, what I'm thankful for; my family because they're always there for me when I need them. My friends who I can't go a day without talking to. My pets for showing unconditional love. My job, even though I hate it, not everyone has one. And lastly, the miracle that is my baby in my stomach, Amelia. Can't wait to meet you baby girl!
Speaking of Amelia, I never realized how much a fetus could enjoy the music you play for them. Amelia has a love for Selena Gomez and One Direction. Just like her mama. So, I've had my phone on those for the past couple hours. I love how she reacts to certain songs. She more active during Selena song than One Direction. Her favorite Selena songs seem to be 'Come & Get It' and 'The Heart Wants What It Wants'. It feels like she's dancing to those songs. She'll be kicking, moving, punching, everything. Its either she loves those songs or she hates them. I'm not 100% sure. So, we'll just go with she likes them. Mom keeps telling me to play Godsmack for her. I won't now. They say that the music helps shape what type of child they'll be. I'm not going to play Godsmack right now. She'll come out screaming. Although, as of now, it seems like she'll be coming out singing and dancing. Which I'm oddly okay with. I really can't wait to meet my baby. Eighteen more weeks. Shouldn't be too long. Especially, when I think that after my next OB appointment, I go to appointments every other week instead of once a month.
In other "news", Sunday, the 30th, will be exactly one year that the world lost Paul Walker. At about 6:30 p.m. EST. I will be doing a Paul Walker marathon and no one can stop me. Yes, I'll probably cry my eyes out, but it needs to happen. I just have to remember that I'm celebrating his life, not mourning it. Shouldn't be too hard, right? Then, if you think of the Asperger's, I'm not going to think that. I lost someone who was very important to me. No one can understand how I feel. They all judge me, still... "Oh, he was just an actor." "You didn't personally know him." "Can you get over that yet?" "Do you seriously have a tattoo in honor of him?" No, he wasn't just an actor. I don't care if I knew him, personally, or not. No, I'm not going to get over it. And yes, I do have a tattoo in honor of him. Well, that's it for today.

Placenta Previa

Had a OB appointment today. They didn't tell me during my last ultrasound that there was anything wrong. When I went in today, they asked if I had another ultrasound appointment scheduled. When I told the midwife that I didn't, she said that I need to because of a complication. She said it was that the placenta was on the edge of the cervix. They want to see if it'll move on its on within the next six weeks. Now, while there, I had no idea what this meant. After the appointment, I came home and told my mom. She seemed really worried. Told me it was actually dangerous. I was trying not to look it up or get worried about it, last I need is to stress myself out over it. But, I looked it up... Apparently, it really is concerning. Thankfully, mine is on the border, so its Marginal Previa. This can cause bleeding, pelvic rest, c-section, and could really harm the baby. For example, as scary as it is, it can cause the baby to die. Once again, trying not to scare myself too much, but it's creepy to think about.
I'm just really glad that Amelia's heart beat was good today. She's been kicking like crazy. Which has been normal lately. Especially, when I'm trying to sleep or something. Then its kicking constantly. My blood pressure was 102 over 56. And, my weight... 109.2 lbs! I don't remember when I weighed that much. Not sure if I'm happy about it or not. I know I'm gaining weight because I'm pregnant, but I don't like feeling fat. I just have to remind myself that its not me. It is the miracle of growing a person inside you. Of course, I'm not going to be 95 lbs while pregnant. That would not be very healthy. I'm trying to safely manage my weight, so I don't gain too much, but so that I gain enough. Shouldn't be too hard.

Stress and Cat

So much for trying to stay away from stress. Today has been very stressful. Co-workers aren't always as helpful as they should be. Who cares that you're almost 22 weeks pregnant (which will be tomorrow). No body needs to help you when you're running from one side of the building to the other while they're standing and doing nothing. This is why I'm not a people person. To add to everything, my Great-Aunt passed away yesterday. We saw it coming. She has had Alzheimer's for a few years now. So, it was basically old age and we knew it was going to happen eventually. Then this afternoon, Helena (my sister's cat) passed. She's been sick for a few days. While I was at work, my mom told me she wasn't doing very well. So, when I got home, I sat with Helena for a little bit then took her to the Vet. My sister and I went to 3 different veterinarians. The first 2 didn't even have doctors available. By the third vet, I was already pissed off. Then they didn't think Helena was an emergency. Then when she was barely breathing, I called the receptionist over and had her feel that Helena wasn't breathing very well. When she did that, she told the doctor that was on duty and we were instantly sent back to see her. She put Helena on the table and was checking her breathing. She was doing alright. Then, after making my sister and I laugh; by saying how I look 14 and my younger sister looks older than me; she just looked at us with a straight face and said "She's gone. Sorry girls"... I'm pregnant, stressed, emotional, and she just told me that Helena died? Thanks... Surprisingly, I haven't cried. Neither has my sister. More surprisingly, the pregnant chick didn't cry. I am having a lovely allergy attack so I could always say that that's what it is. Not that I'm crying. Its just allergies. Unfortunately, I think my parents would know that I'm lying. What's even worse? I keep thinking I see her, but I know she's not here. Helena and I didn't even like each other, but it hurts, so much. I mean, I watched her pass away. And, I can't stop hearing that 'meow' she kept doing. That sound just hurts.
As for the stress, thankfully, Amelia is able to handle it. Had cramps earlier and some pain in my no-no. But, we're doing alright now. Thankfully. She keeps kicking, too. I think she's having fun with it now. 'Here Mommy, have a kick here and here and here' which is not very fun for Mommy. Oh well, she's worth it.

Short

Back to work tomorrow. Kinda nervous. I don't want to get stressed out too much. What if something happens again? I don't want to keep risking Amelia like this. Its not fair to her. And if ANYTHING happens to her, I don't know what I would do. I know, I shouldn't be thinking like this, but I've already been in the ER a couple times with threatened miscarriages. I don't want to know what every one of these incidents do to my baby.
On the bright side, to make a better life for Amelia when she is born, I have been looking at colleges and jobs. I applied for FAFSA and I know that once I actually look and have her, I can grants for being a single mother. I know if I can do that, I'll be able to get a better job, than a cashier, and give Amelia a better life. I can hopefully run my own business. Either a jewelry store or a sanctuary center. At least that's my dream.
Sorry for such a short post. Just had to say something..

Hospital Trip and Concerns

Apparently, it is possible to over work yourself when you're basically taking it as easy as you can. Went to the hospital yesterday due to cramping again. Just like when I was 11 weeks. It was caused by dehydration and over-working/stress. The dehydration, I can understand. The stress? I can understand that, too. Especially, with my boss... But, the over-working? I started taking it easy after the first hospital trip. Then, even easier after the Florida trip. 21 weeks, and still having issues that the Doctors consider a "Threatened Miscarriage".... I thought you couldn't have a miscarriage after 20 weeks? Thankfully, though, everything should be okay. Providing I follow doctors orders and take it easy. As long as, I keep feeling Amelia kick and move, I know things will be okay. Even though, when I have any little problem, due to this being a first pregnancy and not paying attention in Health or Sex Ed, I instantly think the worst. No, I haven't done as much research as I should have. It's more like, I hit the 21 week mark, and I look up what to expect that week. I don't look ahead. I'm not sure why, but I guess I just want to be surprised or something.
Now, the concerns part... I'm worried I'm not going to be a good mother. I know every new parent goes through those thoughts, but it really concerns me. Yes, I have my parents, but Amelia will only have one parent. I'm sure I could change that but, (1) her biological father WILL NOT be near her as long as I'm alive and (2) as of now, I'm nowhere close to being relationship material. Which concerns me also. I know some people with Autism/Asperger's can handle relationships and getting married, but I don't see it happening with me. My mom tells me that its because I haven't met the right person yet, but part of me doesn't think there is a right person for me. I'm best when I'm alone. Of course, that won't count with Amelia. I know she's the best thing to ever happen to me. She will make me be a person, she'll make me more responsible, and she'll help me with wanting to be alone. Guess, I should just remember that she is the best thing that will happen to me and that she is the MOST important thing in my life and I should care for her before myself.

Halloween and gender reveal

Obviously, Halloween was a week ago. It was a pretty good time. I went as a witch, along with my mother. My sister had my TARDIS dress. Her oldest was Ariel and her youngest was a witch. Just like her Aunt and Mom-mom. Of course, it was absolutely freezing that night, and I got a cold. So, much fun... NOT. Being pregnant and sick is torture. You can't take very many medications. A week later and I'm still a little sick. Can barely breathe through my nose. Really sucks at night. I'm a mouth breather! That's all I can think.
The Fast and Furious 7 trailer came out on the First. I surprisingly did not cry. Shocking, ain't it? Everyone was expecting me to. My sister cried. My mom cried. I don't think I've fully registered the fact that Paul Walker passed. He's still alive to me. He always will be.
I finally got a job interview. It was at a bank. Hopefully, I get it. The benefits are amazing. Paid holidays, PTO, $10 an hour, and 25 hours a week. This job just seems perfect for someone with Asperger's. Mainly, thanks to numbers. Lots and lots of numbers. I should find out within the next week. Thankfully, they're not that busy of a location. So, I don't have to worry about that many people coming in. Just, hopefully, I get this job. It'll be great for my baby!
Now, for the reveal... Today, I found out that I am going to have a beautiful little girl. Just a little more than four months left. Amelia. This way her nick name will be Mia.In honor of Paul Walker. And the Fast and the Furious movies.

No idea....

Figured it was a great time to finally update. Nothing new, really. Had an appointment today. Heart beat was 138. Supposedly, that means its a boy. I really hope its not. I know that is horrible to say, but I really want a girl. I seriously would not know what to do with a boy. My mother keeps telling "if it's a boy, he'll still look cute in little pink dresses." No, mother. IF its a boy, you will not be putting him in dresses. Either way, part of me just feels like its a girl. I hope it is. I have my heart set on a baby girl. Anyway, haven't felt my baby move at all lately, my midwife said that was common since I'm only 18 weeks. I should feel my baby move more come week 22. I'll know the gender by then. I find out less than 2 weeks from now. It's Monday now and I find out next Thursday. I am so excited to find out!
Lately, I've been getting dizzy more often than before. It's not very fun. Especially at work. Even less fun when your boss is a jerk. I have a doctor's note that says I need to sit. He gets pissed every time I sit. The other day, I got so dizzy and kept blacking out, he refused to let me go home, so I sat down in a chair, at my register. Yet, he threatened to change my hours, clocking me out for an hour while I was working, because I was sitting. Thankfully, I know that is illegal and I called him on it. Today at my appointment though, I got an updated note. Now, with having TWO different notes, written by different doctors, on the same matter, if he says anything, I will be going over his head and getting corporate involved. Its the only thing I can think of doing, sadly. But, I'm just waiting for him to slip up again. No one likes him, he doesn't do his job, and he is just an ass. Excuse my language. I've made sure not to tell him about my Asperger's. Not that I'm embarrassed, I'm not, its who I am, BUT, I know he'll treat me differently if he knew. The other managers know, but I just can't tell him.I think that's it for today. Promise to post when I find out the sex!

Pregnancy Hormones

Second post today. I just had to talk about this though, so I'm sorry if it's short...
My parents and I were watching a movie called Rise of the Planet of the Apes. (Spoilers follow) At first, I really liked the movie. It was interesting. For a girl with Asperger's, it was relatively easy to follow. Especially since it had animals. (Not all Aspie's necessarily like animals, but I do.) Anyway, it centers around one ape/chimpanzee named Ceaser. He was basically family to a character played by James Franco, and referred to as his son. Now, some things happened that cause Ceaser to be placed in a "sanctuary" where he was treated horribly by Dodge, played by Tom Felton. At one point, Dodge sprayed Ceaser with a fire house. Poor Ceaser was in a soaking wet shirt his "father" gave him, in a soaking wet cage, with concrete as the floor. When he curled up on the floor, obviously looking depressed, I started to feel my eyes watering. Then when Ceaser found a rock in his cage, he used it to draw on the wall. He drew a window that was in his room and his home, with his "dad"... that's when I lost it. Started crying a lot. Bawling really. I had to leave the room. Then my mom had me go with her to her room to calm down. I was cuddling my puppy, Luna, and I was still crying. Cried for about 20 minutes after. Needless to say, I didn't see any more of that movie, nor do I plan to.
This is supposed to have been brought on by my pregnancy hormones. Which I can believe. But, I wonder if it had to deal with my Asperger's and love of animals. Like, I knew the movie was fake and that Ceaser was played by a human, but I couldn't help it. Especially knowing that people test on animals, who are probably treated like this. It's just not fair.

Sex and Asperger's

We all know where baby's come from. People being silly and having unprotected sex. Back in June, I moved in with a "friend".... well, someone I thought was a friend. Anyway, I wanted to prove the Doctors wrong who told my parents and I that I wouldn't be able to fend for myself or live without them. Needless to say, I was wrong. Very wrong. That's how I got pregnant. I was being careless. Tried having sex... Most awkward thing ever. Not sure why people do it at all. Its disgusting. My body is my body. No one needs to enter it. But, I will admit, without that, I wouldn't have my precious baby in my stomach. Trust me though, NEVER again. Unless, I meet Johnny Depp. I think I can make an exception for that.
I obviously moved back in with my parents when I found out I was pregnant. Best decision I've made. This way I know my baby will have the life they deserve. I know my baby will be loved and cared for and won't have to deal with Mommy always being broke. This way, since the father is out of the picture, I'll have help when needed. Thanks to my AMAZING parents.

Vacation

Unfortunately, vacation wasn't as nice as I had hoped. Don't get me wrong, Florida was beautiful. Absolutely warm, amazing, and just all around great. I hate leaving there. Sadly, I got sick. While shopping in Downtown Disney, which is basically a really large outdoor shopping mall, I got sick. Like, throwing up in the middle of a large shopping mall. Now, for someone with Asperger's, this is even worse than it sounds. So many people stopped and watched. It was horrible. The attention was on me, all on me. I couldn't handle it. I'm not sure if it was the vomiting or the Asperger's or the pregnancy, but I cried. And, I kept apologizing to my mom, over and over again. She actually had to tell me to stop.
As for the pregnancy, been hitting a rocky road lately. Second trimester hits and then I start getting my morning sickness. Of course, its never in the morning either. Hits around 1:30pm, sometimes later. The worst part... I've been having these pains, too. My leg will start hurting around mid-day and its always near my knee cap. It basically feels like my whole leg goes numb, but not numb because I can feel it and hurts like heck. Then, later in the afternoon, my lower abdomen starts hurting. Like cramps, but more painful. I normally curl up in bed at this point. The "cramps" hit around 6-7 pm. Lately, its been early bed times for me. Now, here's the problem with all this, I still have a job. I either work until 4:30, or I go in at 4. Anyone else see the issues with all this? How am I going to be able to handle working like this, with the pains and all.
People advise to "work around your morning sickness" which basically means, if you get it in the morning, work at night. If you get it at night, work in the morning. What are you supposed to do when your morning sickness hits mid-day? Now, for example, it's 1:39pm, and my leg pain started over an hour ago. No sickness yet. Then again, haven't eaten yet. Probably should do that... Thankfully, OBGYN appointment tomorrow afternoon, coincidentally at 1:30. So, they'll get to see my pain and sickness in all its glory. Yay....  

Vacation and Second trimester

Tomorrow, my mom and I go on vacation. I am so excited! It's a mixture of a birthday present (which was 4 days ago) and payment for always staying back to take care of the animals while everyone else went on vacations. They went about 7 times this past year, without me. Now, seeing as I just turned 22, they shouldn't have to take me with them every time, but its rough staying back every time with 6 house-hold animals and 8 outside animals(chickens and ducks). For a week each time. Its difficult. This is also, most likely, my last vacation before giving birth.
Speaking of that, today is the first day of my second trimester. Its supposed to be easier from right, at least that's what I've been told. I've gotten some of my registry done. Everything that can be gender neutral, at least. After I find out the sex, I'll finish the rest. Of course, like before, my momma will be right by my side. Picking out stuff that Grandma just has to have to spoil her newest grandchild. I think she is more excited than I am at times. I'm still nervous, beyond belief. Am I ready to be a mother? Not in the slightest. I know, with the help of my family, I'll be okay and able to do it. It's just hard to realize that at week 13. You think that your life is ending, but you know, deep down, its really just beginning.
Back to vacation, FLORIDA! Leaving in the morning tomorrow, "whenever we get up and motivated" mom said. I said that we just have to leave by 10am, that way it'll still be sunny when we got to our half-way point to stop for the night. As well as, it'll be bright when we drive through my home state, North Carolina! We'll be gone for a week. We already have plans to be lazy. Except, we'll be doing shopping, museums, and the beach, at least one of those days. CSI museum and a Titanic museum...I'm not sure which I'm more excited for. Even though we can't do them back-to-back because I'm supposed to sit and relax, doctors orders. We're even supposed to stop, at least, every two hours during the drive to prevent blood clots. Gonna be great... ;-)

September 12...

Today is Paul Walker's 41st birthday. For those of you who didn't know, he passed in a terrible car accident on November 30, 2013. The word "obsessed" doesn't even begin to cover me. I have a tattoo in honor of him, and with having Asperger's, his death hit me hard. I felt like he was family. People just don't understand that, really. They kept telling me to get over it, that I didn't know him personally. In the mind of an Aspie, I did know him. He was family. I never missed a movie he had coming out. I would be there opening night. Every time. When he had passed, I cried, and cried, and cried. I stayed away from everyone for a few days. I really took it hard. I still am. It's still really hard to explain exactly how I feel without sounding insane.

Anyway, this blog is about having Asperger's and being pregnant. I've covered the Aspie part, now for pregnancy. How does Paul Walker connect to being pregnant? No, he's not the father, as much as I wish. See, I'm the type of person who believes in ghosts and that they can visit people. I've been 'visited' a few times by Paul. Well, twice so far. Some people can see spirits at any time, I can only see them in dreams. There is a difference when its a dream and a visit. It's more realistic if it's a visit. In dreams, you can't really feel things; in a visit you can. It's just like real life, but you're asleep.

The first time Paul visited me, had nothing to do with being pregnant. It was mainly just him telling me that I'll be okay, that I need to accept what happened. Which, I did. Granted I don't like it, but I know it happened. The second time, it was about the pregnancy. He told me I was going to have a girl and that I would be late going into labor. He told me I'm going to be a week late. I also promised him that I would somehow name my child after him. So, I've looked at important female names in his movies; like girl friends, kids, even pets. In case it's a boy, he'll obviously be named after one of Paul's characters. Now, I do sound insane...

Trip to the ER

Last Saturday, had to go to the ER for bleeding during pregnancy. For someone who always thinks the worst is happening, this was not a fun trip. I was so panicked. As was my mother. Bleeding, stomach cramps, headaches. It was concerning. First thought we all had was miscarriage. Now, how does this relate to me having Asperger's? On my birthday, I'll have had this one single stuffed animal, named Banjo, for 10 years. Banjo was right beside me in the ER. He makes me feel safe. So safe that I can't sleep without him. Especially, when
I'm nervous. Needless to say, banjo will be with me a lot more often. Now, back to the ER part. Everything is okay. I had to be on bed rest for a few days until the bleeding had stopped. Thankfully it has stopped. The only problem now is that I don't weigh enough. Almost 3 months along and I'm only 95 pounds. This is not good, obviously. If you didn't know, I've been struggling with Anorexia for a couple years. Take someone with that and get them pregnant and make them have to eat, it's not simple. I do still have that "I'm getting fat" thought but I know it's healthy for the baby. I just don't see it as that, just yet. But, I need to. I think that's about it for now.

Pregnancy and Asperger's

Girl with Asperger's Syndrome... 9 weeks and 6 days pregnant. Now, am I at all ready to be a mother? No. Not even close. I'm terrified. Then again, who isn't when it comes to having your first child and being a single mother. With Asperger's! Think about it, someone who can't handle being near people too much, is going to be a single mother. Some people may ask why I'm not going to give the child up for adoption with all my "issues" but I could never do that. My mom was adopted, and I saw how she reacts when people talk about her parents. I could never do that to my child. I could never think of giving my baby up and thinking where they are every day and wondering if they are being treated alright or not. I will work my best to be able to give my baby the best life that I can. Even with my Asperger's. Its made me who I am today. Who says it'll be a bad thing to a child. In my honest opinion, it'll teach my child, that when they're older, not to be a bully and to be respectful and friendly to EVERYONE. Especially, when the other person isn't "normal." Chances are, people who are "different" are bullied and may not always like themselves. (This is from personal experience.)

Side Note: I'm hoping this MAY help other adults understand that just because someone is different, they are people, too. I saw, first hand, at work today, that adults are sometimes more immature than children. A guy, roughly 14/15 years old, obviously had Autism, (I did a lot of research when I was diagnosed. You learn the signs.) and my co-workers made rude remarks about him more than any other age group. Now, just so you know, I am the youngest one that was working at the time, and I'm 21 (22 in less than a month)... What does that say about people now-a-days. Yet, people continue to blame "the younger generation"....

About Me

I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome when I was 18. That's eighteen years of not knowing why I wasn't like everyone else I knew. I barely had friends growing up, except my mother, who is still my best friend. Now, fast forward almost 4 years later, and here I am, nine weeks pregnant. It's weird, I don't socialize very well, and now I'm expected to be able to raise a child? There are times where I just want to be alone, mainly because I can't handle being around people too much. What am I supposed to say now during those moments? "Sorry, baby, mommy can't be near you right now"? Talk about hurting a child's self-esteem.