Good bye, 2018

It is finally the last day of 2018. This year felt so much longer than it really was. So many things had happened. Both good and bad. I'm hoping 2019 will be much better. I just better not be single the whole year. I can't handle that much longer. I haven't come up with any resolutions yet, just because it's apparently better to do so in the spring. Supposedly, you're more likely to actually complete them if you start in the spring. There are some that I'm thinking of, though. For example, being a better mother and be healthy. With all my health issues, the last thing I should be doing is sitting on the couch with a bag of salt & vinegar chips (like I am now). I want to be able to like myself, so I'm working on making all the doctor's appointments that I need to.
Christmas wasn't horrible. It was nice having mom home for 3 weeks. Amelia was definitely spoiled for Christmas though. She keeps asking if there are more presents. She checks under the tree every morning. Hopefully she'll stop when the tree comes down, when dad gets back. In the meantime, I'll have to deal with an upset child every morning. I just keep telling her how she has to wait for her birthday, then she'll get more presents.
Even though it was been a few weeks since I've posted, which I apologize for, not much has happened. Depressed is always worse in the winter months and with being off work, it's been a lot worse. Unfortunately, Mia doesn't understand that. So, she'll try to get me to do things or pull on me and etc, and that just annoys me and makes me yell at her. I always feel bad about it, but she'll push whatever buttons I really don't have. I think, in the past month, I've only had a handful of good days. And that was mainly when my parents were here. Once one of them come back, i'mma hoping I'll be doing better. All I've been wanting to do is sleep, lately. Something that can't really happen. Amelia hasn't napped at all during this break. Whereas, I could nap every day. I tend to bring her tablet into the bedroom and have her sit next to me on the bed while I take cat naps. I wish I could say it works, but it doesn't. Another thing my depression has been effecting, my penpal letters. I started one on Nov. 11 and haven't worked on it since. I'll look at the letter and think how I want to finish it, but I can't. I'll stare at it, then just ignore it. One day, I'll finish writing. I'm behind but 4 letters.  I need to finish at some point.

December 9, 2018

Nothing has really happened since I last wrote. Mom got into town yesterday. She'll be staying for about three weeks, let's see how that goes.
So, the real reason I am writing, besides the fact that I said I will every weekend... December 7th had been a hard day for me, for person reasons, since 2009. Well, this past December 7th, has shown me how strong I have gotten. For those of you that know why, you know how tough it has been for me to leave my house that day. Not only did I go to work the whole day, I went to the store. By myself!! For those that don't know what happened, you can always ask. It only took nine years, but I am finally able to say that he is no longer winning. He no longer has any hold on me. I couldn't be more proud of myself. I'm sure that some of you can figure out what happened that day, now.
Amelia saw Santa Claus again this weekend. She was so excited. She did this little happy dance and everything. She did not want to leave him. It's all she keeps asking me about today. "Mommy, can we see Santa again?" She keeps looking at the pictures of her, too. She loves it so much.