Obviously everyone has those days that they really hate themselves and says that they thinks they're amazing. Recently, I've had more of the first type of days, but that's also who I am. It's been brought to my attention by a very good friend that I have a habit of putting myself down and ruining anything that could be good before it happens. That friend thinks I have a fear of being happy because I always get hurt. You know what, I think he's right. Happiness has never been good for me, and I doubt it will be for awhile. First step would be for me to be happy and I don't see that happening anytime soon. But how can I be when I have it in my mind that I need to have certain things to be happy. Like a boyfriend/ husband? Well, more like a father for Amelia. I know she doesn't need one, not all families are the same. But she doesn't understand why her friends have dads and she doesn't. I've been told that I'll find love when I stop looking, but how will that happen if I'm either at work or home? Work relationships rarely ever work out for people, besides the fact that I look like the complete opposite of attractive while I'm at work. I'm always covered in dirt and mud and I'm typically sweaty. No one in their right mind would find that attractive. Now, on the other hand, I've been told that I have to go look for love too. That it's not just going to fall into my lap one day. Maybe I'll join a dating site, but guys on there are always super annoying and want one thing. I'm a single mom with a full time job, they aren't getting that one thing. I feel like I'm always complaining about my lack of love life and for that, I apologize. It's just that I try to find someone I like and then I always ruin it, or worse I find out they're married/ dating. I have horrible luck with love. Maybe I should accept being alone forever.
Anyway, on to happier thoughts. I have really enjoyed this week in myrtle beach. It's been very nice and really needed, but I'm so excited to go back to work. I miss all my doggies. We're going to the aquarium and to dinner tomorrow for mom's birthday, then heading home Friday. Hoping we'll be home by 6, but with 3 kids, I doubt it. We should leave by 8 a.m. and we'll eat lunch in the car, so it shouldn't be too late to return. Then work on Saturday!!! I've been making my favourite dog a bandana from here, I just hope she and her family like it. I swear, being away from Chori is the most difficult part of this week. Not even being away from Luna is this hard. Speaking of Luna, she's doing a doggie sleepover tonight and tomorrow at a kennel while everyone is out of town. I just hope she's doing alright. I'll be sure to call the kennel first thing in the morning to see how she is.
That's it for this post!
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