April 4, 2016

Few things to go over today. First, it's National Autism Awareness Month. As someone with Autism, I appreciate this month. It's nice knowing that a lot of people are taking their time to learn about this. Granted, I think people should try to learn about Autism everyday, but I'll remain grateful that there is a least a month dedicated to Autism. As you know, I have Asperger's Syndrome. This is pretty much a social thing. It explains why I don't like being around people, why I don't have a "filter", and why I don't understand jokes or anything really. It, also, explains why I was delayed in my childhood. Unfortunately, it looks like Amelia is going to be in the same boat as her mama. Thankfully, since I've gone through it, we'll be able to manage hers a little better. I still need to get properly diagnosed, and I need to get Amelia seen. I know she's too young still, but talking to someone will help figure out if she needs tested later. I would say "better late than never" but in this case, I'd rather not wait. Early diagnosis could help so much.
Speaking of Amelia... Hand, foot, and mouth disease. She was diagnosed with that last Thursday, March 31. My poor baby. It isn't fun. Thankfully, she's doing better. She had a few fevers. The highest was 102.8 under the arm. She had all these little bumps that almost looked like pimples, but weren't. Apparently, that is a part of Hand, Foot, and Mouth. It's, also, very contagious. I had gotten it, but it didn't last too long. Really only a day and a half. Since she was feeling better, Grandma gave her some blackberries. She loved them.

I finally got some painting done. It was helping me destress. I keep feeling bad that Mia won't know her father. I know its best for her, but as her mother, I feel bad. She should have two parents that love her. But this man child thing, wouldn't make her life much better. Besides, as selfish as it is, I wouldn't be happy at all, which would affect Mia. The way he is, he wouldn't be able to do anything to help with a child. I noticed I keep saying he, even though I'm not 100% sure as to who her father is. It's either Ding Bat or DoucheNozzle. Yeah, that's what I refer to them as. They're great people... NOT. Anyway, neither one would be very good for her. I know, who am I to decide if her father should be around, but I am her mother. I have always been there for her, and I always will. Neither of those guys were good to me or nice really. One was abusive and one was degrading. Called me names and things, so no. Neither are good enough to be around my daughter. But, I do want to be able to find her a father figure. I don't mean my dad, or mom. I want to be able to look at her and tell her that this man is her father. Be able to have Mommy, Daddy, and baby. Everyone keeps telling me I have to at least try to find someone and not just sit and wait. I need to actually work at it. But then I'm told "you'll find love when you aren't looking" so I don't look.. "You need to look and try to find someone." I've even checked out dating sites, but I'm not going to pay an arm and a leg to find someone. Why can't it free. Maybe I should start finding single parent play date thing and get her friends and get friends for me.