(This doesn't have to deal with the actual post, but I just need to vent... Don't tell me you miss me and wish we can hang out if you decide to have some sort of get together/party and don't invite me. That just shows that we really weren't friends, were we?)
So, this is about what happened June 21, 2014. I really haven't told many people cause I don't 100% know what happened.
I went to my then boyfriends-sister's wedding, it was kinda fun. Basically, the beginning part doesn't matter really. A friend of his brought some vodka with him and, of course, had to have some. I remember taking two shots then asking my boyfriend to grab me a bottle of water. Next thing (TMI) I started my period. I needed pads but no one had any, thankfully, this was during the reception, so we waited a little longer then left. We went to his friends house to stay the night... This is where things get weird. I don't remember much from that night at this point. I don't know the order of all the events but this is what I remember... I remember randomly gaining conscience while walking to his car. I remember asking "Where are we going?" He replied, "You said you wanted to go to my car, so we're going." Now, his friend lived on the second floor of a building. I don't remember walking down the stairs or anything, I just remember when we started walking into the street. Then, I was basically out again. Next thing I remember was him being on top of me, in his car. Then I was out again. Now, I'm not sure when the next part happened... If it was before or after all that, but I remember being right outside his friends house and somehow he had convinced me to give him oral. It was the most awkward thing ever. I just wish that could be one of the things I didn't remember.
There has been speculation that I was drugged when I got my then boyfriend to bring me a water bottle or that I just drank to much. But, to be honest, I don't remember. I just know that when you're blacking out, no matter if you supposedly initiated it, there should be no sex, what-so-ever. At that point, it's not consensual. It's rape.
Now, I hope people understand why I keep saying I will not have sex again. I have no desire. How many bad experiences does someone have to go through before they decide to just take the whole thing off the table. One really bad part, this guy that did this is most likely Amelia's father. (Yes, I don't know for sure.) He will not be part of her life. Now, you can understand why. He wasn't a good person. And, thanks to him, I don't want to have sex again, ever. But, I don't want Mia to be an only child. It's not her fault, and from the people I've talked to, who are only children, its not fun. They don't have that automatic friend that kids with siblings do. I don't want her to be too old when she has a sibling, five years old at most. Now, just have to figure out how to do that.
Thank you for reading this one. It's probably the hardest one to write.
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