A bunch of randomness

Just in case I forgot what all I wanted to write about like I did earlier, I made a list. I'm not going to cover everything in this post. Some aren't relevant at this moment. The things I'll be discussing in this one are; the death of a friend, Brownie; my job; good or bad mom; and Mia's two month check up.
First off, my friend Brownie had passed away Thursday on the 21st. I met him when working at Roy Rogers. He was the sweetest, most caring, person I've met. He always knew how to put a smile on my face. I looked forward to seeing him when I would go to work. But, then, when I left there, I didn't see him much. Ran into him maybe twice after that. He kept offering to take me to lunch, but I kept coming up with excuses. Truth is, I was just worried about what people would think if they saw us out. "Oh, look, she's got a sugar daddy" or something. And I always felt like I would be using him if I went to lunch with him. Now, I completely regret not going when he would ask. I've missed him and kept thinking to reach out to him but I had no idea how. Then I saw a post on Facebook saying he had passed away. I wanted to cry. I couldn't though. I was holding Amelia at the time and knew that if I got upset that it would make her upset as well. So, I kept fighting the urge to get upset. I, actually, still haven't completely cried. His funeral was yesterday, the 26th. I didn't go, because I knew I would lose it. I was called into work, though, and ended up passing the funeral home on my way home. I felt my eyes starting to tear up. Then, I just smiled. Knowing Brownie wouldn't want me to cry over his passing but smile knowing he was, once again, reunited with his wife. Instead of getting upset and crying, I just thought of all the good memories we had. RIP Brownie. You will always have a spot in my heart and you'll be greatly missed!!
Second topic; my job. I absolutely love it there! I can't say I look forward to going there, though, just because that means I have to leave my baby. I just have to tell myself that its the best for her and that I need to go. That's probably the main reason I've gone every day. But, I really do like it there. Haven't had any stress or drama, thank goodness. *Knocks on wood* My co-workers are pretty awesome, but I'm trying not to become friends with anyone or anything so that I don't run into issues, like I normally do. Like I said, just have to remind myself that I'm there for Amelia and not to make friends. So what, if I don't have many friends...it doesn't bother me. Know what does? Not having the money to do stuff for Amelia. I know, can't buy your child's love, but being able to support your daughter is important. Right now, I can't even do that. So, its a job first then MAYBE build friendships. Then again, it may keep me from moving up, if I wanted.
Third... I keep having these feelings that I'm a bad mother. People say that thinking this shows you're a good mom, but that doesn't help you think that you are good. There are times where I just look at something, like Mia having dirt under her nails, and think "A good mom wouldn't allow that" but she doesn't always let me cut her nails. I make sure she comes first in my life, she's healthy, and I do anything AND everything to make sure she is safe. That includes not allowing certain people in her life. (So, stop telling me that she needs a certain person in her life, people.) Then I've got people telling me how to do things and I think how a good mom would do those. For example; allowing certain people around. Yes, this person COULD help support her, but doesn't mean they will. Doesn't mean I want them to. I know what's best for her. Yes, I'm a single mom. No, I don't need her sperm donor around. But, no way does that mean I'm a bad mother. I've seen people, who are with the other parent, be worse parents than I will ever be. That's what I tell myself. I am a good mother. My daughter means the world to me. I will always protect her. People who think otherwise can just shove it. :)
Lastly, Mia's two month check up. She is doing really well. She is perfectly healthy. Twenty-two inches tall and weighs ten pounds. Mommy's little girl sure is getting big. She's able to sit, with support, and will try to stand, again with support. She likes to watch the pretty colors on the TV and loves to hear music. She's making complete eye contact and loves to smile. She likes to stick her tongue out at people and will try to blow raspberries, if you do first. My little Princess is getting to be so smart, it's scary! She did have her shots today, as well. Wasn't very happy about that, although, no babies really are. I'm still not happy when it comes to shots, really. She screamed and cried like I've never heard from her. The nurse even had to start blowing at her to get her to breathe again. Same way I cry... Guess she's more like me than I thought... Poor girl.