I constantly think of my future lately. I'm not sure if it's because Amelia is getting older or because I am and I feel like time is running out. I keep getting told "go live your life", "you're too young to not have a life", "go out and meet someone, make some friends", "you're too pretty to be single", "don't worry, you'll find a guy soon"... for awhile, I really didn't listen. I'm 23. I've got the love of my life, my daughter. I've got a job. I've got a wonderful family. And I have a roof over my head. I don't need anything else. I don't need to go make friends. I don't need to meet some guy. There is more to life than being pretty. But, you know what. I should take some of that advice. I don't do anything besides go to work or be home with Amelia. I only have a handful of friends. Amelia needs a father. And I actually am pretty, but smart, too! I have no idea what brought all this on. Maybe it's that I keep having dreams about getting married. Maybe it's that my best friend is getting ready to move into this beautiful house with her husband and son. Maybe it's that I want to stop feeling like a burden on my family. Who knows. Whatever it is, I'm okay with it. Maybe I'm actually growing up, it was bound to happen eventually, right? My only problem with all this, I don't like failure. With my track record, I'm never going to get married. I'm not going to move into my own beautiful house. Mia won't get a father. I tell everyone else that they need to have a positive outlook on their life, but no matter how hard I try, I just see everything I'm up against and very depressed. Think about it. I have Asperger's. I'm a single mom. I work in retail. No college. Never goes out unless it's work. It's just not going to happen. This post started off so good, but as I was typing, my thoughts just started coming. I know what I want in life, I just need to make it happen.
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